


(In)discreet Letter

by FemslashUniverse



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/F, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Holodeck, Lesbians, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, Prison, Requited Love, Romance, Sharing a Bed, love letter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 01:00:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29091666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FemslashUniverse/pseuds/FemslashUniverse
Summary: Under the direction of her holographic therapist, Kathryn writes a letter to Seven that she never intends for her to see. Thanks to her First Officer and a bit of a mix up, the PADD is promptly delivered to Seven. What will her Astrometrics officer think when she reads the incredibly private thoughts Kathryn has written?
Relationships: Chakotay/Samantha Wildman, Kathryn Janeway/Seven of Nine
Comments: 67
Kudos: 99





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will be (I think) a fairly short story.
> 
> Thank you to my two betas. You ladies make my stories seem like I know what I'm doing. ;) Thanks, P. Rhapsody O'Brien and MaeShenanigans.

_ Dear Seven, _

_ I can’t believe I’m writing this. Dr. Sadler said this would be a good way to express myself to you. I didn’t imagine it would be this difficult, however. I’ve been seeing Dr. Sadler for a few months now. Ever since the incident on Deron Z72. I know you remember it with your eidetic memory. You make me smile when you remind me of that. Anyway, when we were captured by the Celidians, and put in that prison together… it was awful, I know it was. There were times I thought we wouldn’t make it out alive. ...But, that’s not all I felt. You were… incredible, as usual. You protected me when my cellmate attempted to strike me. And I didn’t feel guilty about it, because you let me take care of you, too, when you had that fever. (What I would’ve given to be able to get you a portable regenerator.) God, I was so afraid I would lose you.  _

_ There were so many things that happened, Seven. When you held me the night our new friend, who reminded me of Neelix, was executed. I waited until you fell asleep before I cried into your neck. Sobbed, more like. I wanted so much to hold onto you forever and never leave that place in your arms.  _

_ Anyway, I’m getting off topic. Ugh. Dr. Sadler told me to not judge myself and just let the words “flow.” That woman drives me crazy sometimes. But, I guess I can’t get too mad at a hologram. I’m not really mad at her, anyway. I’m mad at myself. _

_ You know me, I’m Starfleet through and through. Just like my father. He was so proud when I joined the ‘fleet. Whenever he saw me in uniform, he’d tell me I was the most competent person in the room and to never forget that when things were difficult. Now, I see it for what it was. A boost in my confidence so I wouldn’t run away in fear. Ha! How daddy underestimated the Janeway women. We’re pretty stubborn, if you couldn’t tell. (I know, I know. You are more aware of my stubbornness than others, in some ways.) But Seven, I’m at my wits end. I mean, there’s a reason I sought out a holographic therapist, and am writing this letter at all. I think I’d literally rather eat leola root soup for a week…  _

_ I’m rambling again. I just don’t know how to tell you this. I don’t know how to put it into words. I just feel so… stupid. And old. And frankly? Pathetic. It’s the NUMBER ONE RULE that Captain’s don’t fall for a subordinate. (Okay, maybe not the “number one rule,” but it’s still such a… stereotype.) But… I can’t help it. I’m too old and set in my ways to be able to provide you with anything you’d want. Plus, as I’m sure you’ve noticed at least in passing, I’m a woman. You’re a woman. I’m sure someday you’d like to have children, and while I know technology permits us that ability, I doubt it’s what you’d want. “Us?” Who the hell am I kidding?  _

_ Sadler said that this letter thing isn’t about being an ass to myself, though. It’s about getting off my chest the things I’ve been bottling up, unsuccessfully. (I like to blame coffee for not being able to sleep, and it is the reason. But, there’s a reason I drink so much of it as the day goes on.)  _

_ When I do sleep… I wake up in tears. I wake up with such a light heart, as if you will be there holding me once more, keeping me warm and protected like you did in that damn prison. And it’s selfish, so incredibly selfish, that I wish we were still there sometimes. Just for that. To be close to you.  _

_ We had little choices there, and once you found out that my cellmate was going to try to beat me into ‘submission,’ you wouldn’t let me out of your sight. You would’ve made Tuvok proud! I’m sure he’d love to have more security recruits like you.  _

_ You were so sweet. Selfless.  _

_ And here I am, once again, being an asshole. I just miss you so much. It hurts. I feel like my chest is always heavy, weighted, from the love that I have to shove back down. And I see you with the crew, even smiling once in a while when B’Elanna says something so ridiculous you can’t help it. And it’s like my heart is ripped from me and all I want to do is wrap my arms around you and…  _

_ But Seven, none of that is fair to you. None of it is fair to the crew. You are brilliant, beautiful, and warm-hearted. You deserve to find and stick with whatever it is that makes you happy. I want you to be happy.  _

_ And, I also want to forget.  _

_ I don’t want to love you, my dearest. It hurts too much. Seeing you everyday was killing me. I had to put up a wall between us. I had to stop our late night chats and our games of Velocity and our occasional meals together. I’m weak, Seven. I don’t know if you can see it or not, but darling, I am so weak.  _

_ If I could, I would extract this love I have for you. I think we’d both be happier if I did because... _

_ I can’t spend time with you, Seven. I just… can’t. I find myself crying at inopportune times, just thinking of you. Thinking of you with someone else is the most painful— _

_ I hope that in writing these feelings down, it will somehow get rid of them. I want more than anything to spend time with you and have fun, and help you with absolutely anything. I would do nearly anything to make that happen... if I could just let go of loving you.  _

_ I heard a rumor in passing that Commander Chakotay was thinking of asking you to dinner. I nearly broke down on the spot.  _

_ I hope it isn’t true that he wants to see you romantically.  _

_ Unless… that makes you happy, darling. If you’re really happy with him…  _

_ I can’t think about it right now. I’m trying to get all this down in one go so I don’t have to think about it any more.  _

_ Do you know what Naomi said to me once? You and she had just finished a game of Kadis Kot and I had missed you by less than a minute. I didn’t really have a reason to see you. I just wanted to. But anyway, Naomi was so happy. She told me all about how much she likes having you as her friend and how much she admires you. I told her I felt the same way about you, and she seemed confused by that. That girl, sometimes… too smart for her own good. She asked me, in Borg fashion I might add, if I loved you.  _

_ I didn’t know what to say. Honestly. I didn’t want to lie, but to hear it out loud, said to a crewmember, and a child? I was literally speechless.  _

_ She said that if I did love you, I would need to ask her permission before I asked you to be my… girlfriend. I shudder even at the memory. She’s young, I get that, but to be seen through like it was nothing… after all the time I spent covering my feelings. I knew at that point that I needed to be more diligent.  _

_ And then we ended up in that prison.  _

_ Do you know how many times I came so close to kissing you? God. I was reckless. But I was so… I don’t know, darling. I just wanted so badly to believe it to be true, that you could feel that way about me. But in the back of my mind… I always knew. I knew you didn’t. You’re still acclimating to being severed from the Borg and living as a human. Everything is probably strange and overwhelming, and I didn’t, I don’t, want to complicate things more for you.  _

_ I remember one night on Deron Z72 that you wrapped your arm over me and spooned me. I think I nearly died. I mean, it was everything to me. I think it’s why I have such trouble sleeping… I wake up so happily, thinking you’re beside me, and then I spill over with tears.  _

_ Sometimes I think it’d be better you never made that dream a reality. I know you were asleep. I don’t blame you, darling, at all. I just shouldn’t have been such an idiot.  _

_ Now the thought of touching you… I can’t imagine it. I think I would shatter. I will need to practice how to deal with seeing you touch someone else. Or hold them. Or kiss them. God. Maybe the Doctor will give me some morphine. That would help a little.  _

_ Dr. Sadler said that something I needed to, or should if I feel up to it, include here, are the ways I’d react if you (a) accepted and shared my feelings, and (b) rejected me.  _

_ So… Let’s say you for some reason I shared my feelings with you and you reciprocated… I honestly don’t know what I’d do, Seven. Our situation is unchanged. I am still the Captain; you are still a subordinate. We’re still on a starship in the Delta, and will be for a very long time. It’s not the best situation to try a new relationship. We’d both have to be able to separate business from pleasu—and if we broke up... It just seems like a bad idea in every aspect.  _

_ But, to be perfectly honest... I would say ‘screw it’ to all of it, for you. And I have, haven’t I? Heh. Not my proudest moment, but I swear Seven, if the Queen had done. Any. Thing. To you. I would’ve shown her a hell she couldn’t ever have imagined.  _

_ More realistically, if you (b) rejected me… I think I’d be right where I am now. I would cry a lot. I’d feel pretty hollow. I’d be jealous of everyone you smile at and touch. I’d retreat and put up a wall. I think it’d be just like it is now.  _

_ Except for one aspect.  _

_ There would be the possibility that you… were… disgusted by me. Or, feel like I’ve taken advantage of you. Or think I was only ever any particular way with you because I wanted to, as you would say, ‘copulate’ with you…. That would kill me.  _

_ I would rather you hate me than be disgusted with me, Seven, sweetheart.  _

_ That’s the main reason I could never tell you any of this. If there were even a sliver of a chance that you would think I’d taken advantage…  _

_ But I guess that’s why Dr. Sadler had me write this letter. For me to express how I feel in the safety that you will never read it or hear it.  _

_ The thing is, Seven… Ugh. Why is this so difficult to write?  _

_ I… I love you, Seven. With everything I am. I would move mountains for you. I thought I’d loved before, and I had. But it wasn’t like this. It was… more removed. The love I have for you is so… strong. It scares me, my love.  _

_ It makes me feel like I could slaughter a hundred men to get to you. Or storm a Borg cube all alone, and succeed. How have you embedded yourself so deeply in my heart? I don’t know.  _

_ I just know that, no matter what… no matter what happens in the rest of my life, long or short as it is… I will always, always love you. You will always, always be in my heart. I will love you until I die.  _

_ I love you with all my heart and soul, Seven.  _

  
  
  


_ Yours always, _

_ Kathryn _


	2. Chapter 2

“Tuvok?” Kathryn popped her head out of her ready room and onto the bridge. “Have you seen the PADDs that were on my desk?” 

“I believe Commander Chakotay has gone to distribute them.” 

“Oh,” she looked around, not noticing that the commander wasn’t in the room. “Thanks.” She stepped back into her ready room and took her seat. She tapped her finger against her chin as she tried to remember if she had actually finished signing off on various requests from the respective departments. 

She tapped her combadge. “Captain to Chakotay.” 

“Yes, Captain,” came the quick reply.

“Commander, did you take the PADDs that were on my desk?” 

“Yes, Captain. As you ordered.” 

“...” 

“Captain?” 

“Sorry, didn’t sleep great. Did I tell you I’d finished them?”

“Yes, Captain. They’ve all been dropped off now and I’m on my way back to the bridge. We’re here until the away team returns, and they only just left. Why don’t you try to sleep and I’ll carry the bridge until they’re back.” 

Kathryn rubbed her forehead. “I sup--” Her eyes widened as she pulled open the drawer under her monitor. Her personal PADD, the one she used for her sessions with Dr. Sadler. It was gone. 

She jumped into action, rummaging through the drawer and all the other drawers. She looked under every item on her desk, around her desk. She shot to the ground and crawled around to search for it there.  _ It was here. It had to be here. I left my session yesterday with Dr. Sadler and then I came to my ready room. I wrote the letter and I… God. I really need sleep. Okay, Kathryn. Don’t panic. Clear your head. Try to remember. You wrote the letter and then what? What time was it when I finished it that morning? It was around four or five, wasn’t it? Damn sleep. I need to ask the Doctor for a sedative.  _

The doors to her ready room opened and the Commander came around her desk with a frown. “What are you doing?” 

She tried to calm herself, breathing slowly. 

“Are you all right? Should I call the Doc--”

“No, no. I’m fine. I just…” She rose to her feet. Her second realization hit her and she slowly raked her eyes upward to the commander. “Chakotay…” she put her hands out, trying to be calm. “Please tell me that you took five PADDs with you.” She nearly pleaded, her hands wrapping around his arms tightly. 

“I--”

“Think about it,” Kathryn said carefully. She watched him as he looked up and mentally went through his walk around the ship. It hadn’t helped that everyone seemed particularly chipper, making conversation and bringing up other possible requests for the Captain. 

“Six.” 

Her eyes widened and she was sure her heart had stopped. She gulped, shutting her eyes for a long moment before opening again. “Chakotay…” her voice lowered considerably. “What departments did you deliver PADDs to?” 

He eyed her with another frown before managing to pull away from her iron hold. He rubbed one of his arms, sure she’d left a bruise. “Um… Okay,” he held up a finger at a time, engineering, Neelix…” He squinted as he thought, “life sciences, the lab, the Doctor and Astrometrics.” 

Kathryn’s eyes bulged further. “When?” 

“When?” 

“Yes! When did you drop off the PADD to Astrometrics?!” 

“It was just a couple minutes ago, but--” 

Kathryn bolted, running around him and nearly colliding with the doors as they opened rather slowly. She rushed across the bridge and leapt into the turbolift. “Deck ten!” She tried to avoid having a complete panic attack, her hand rapidly tapping against her pant leg as the turbolift slowly made its way. 

As soon as the doors opened, she flew out the doors and sprinted for Astrometrics. Skidding to a stop, she ran a hand through her hair before stepping through, her breath labored. She glanced around the room, almost twitching as her muscles protested to the unexpected exertion. Not spotting the tall blonde anywhere, she turned to the closest person. Harry. 

“Where’s Seven of Nine?” 

Harry scratched his head at the console, trying to figure out the issue with the schematics, and obviously not hearing her. 

“Harry Kim!” 

He jumped and stood frozen to his spot. She rolled her eyes at herself.  _ Down girl.  _

“Captain. I’m—what—” 

“Harry,” she said softer, stepping closer. “Where is Seven of Nine?”

“She was here but she left—”

“Where?   


“Uh, well I’m not sure, but earlier she said she was going to see Naomi, but—” his mouth hung open slightly as the Captain turned on her heel and dashed out of Astrometrics. His eyebrows lifted, completely dumbstruck. He turned back to the console, deciding he didn’t really want to go after the Captain in her current state. 

Swooping around a corner, she pressed the chime three times in rapid succession. A small voice came from the other side. “Who is it?” 

“It’s the Captain, Naomi. Open the door.” 

“Captain!” Naomi nearly cheered as the doors separated to reveal the Captain. She immediately held her back straight and awaited orders. 

Kathryn smiled despite herself as she looked around the room for the blonde. She crouched down to speak with the girl. “Naomi, is Seven here?” 

“Seven? No, Captain.” 

“ _ Was  _ she here?” 

“...” Naomi looked down at the floor, immediately gaining Kathryn’s close appraisal. 

“Naomi?” 

“Well… she’s not s’posed to come over during her shift…” 

“That’s okay, kiddo.” Kathryn gave her a well-practiced smile, though her patience was growing thinner by the moment. “Was she here?” 

Naomi nodded. 

“Is she still here?” 

She shook her head. 

“Do you know where she went?” 

The girl thought about it, finally opening her mouth, “I think she said she was gonna go to her clubhouse.” 

Kathryn frowned deeply, “clubhouse?” 

She giggled. “That’s what we call it. Her home.” 

“The Cargo Bay?” 

Naomi nodded with a smile. 

“Thanks, Naomi. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” 

“Is she in trouble, Captain, ‘cuz of me?” 

“No, sweetie, I just  _ really  _ need to talk to her. Thanks again!” As soon as the doors closed she yanked herself to the right and flew down the corridor. Another ride in the turbolift with her foot tapping on the metal floor. Another dash down a hall. A quick hand through her hair and a large step into Cargo Bay 2. 

The room was dim, quiet. The alcove glowed green and black like usual, but didn’t contain its owner. 

“Seven?” Kathryn asked semi-quietly into the room. After a moment of silence, she tried again, louder, “Seven?” 

She let out a frustrated breath. Where the hell was she? 

“Chakotay to Captain.” 

Mildly aware of her combadge, she ignored it best she could.  _ Where else did Seven like to go on board? The holodeck? That’d be unlikely, especially if she’s still on shift. The Doctor?  _ Kathryn’s eyes bulged. 

“Chakotay to Captain.” 

She whacked her chest a little too hard, wincing. “What?!” 

“Captain, are you all right?” 

“Fine, commander. A little busy!” 

“What—how can I help?” 

She tapped her chin once more.  _ I’m an idiot!  _ “Computer, locate Seven of Nine.” 

“Seven of Nine is not on board  _ Voyager. _ ”

“Captain?” Chakotay’s voice came once again. 

_ I’m going to kill him if he keeps badgering me…  _

“Captain?” 

“What?!” She snapped. 

“How can I help?” 

Too many thoughts were circling through her mind. She shook them off, giving up on keeping all of it completely vaulted. “Where’s Seven?” 

There was a long pause before the commander responded, “she’s on the away team.” 

“What? When? Who approved that?” She walked toward the alcove, touching the technology with a caress. 

“Uh, well, I approved it. Sam Wildman asked for her and Seven didn’t mind. I didn’t think it would be a big deal…” 

She took a deep breath.  _ This could be good. Maybe he dropped off the PADD in the Cargo Bay.  _ She looked around from her spot before tapping her badge once more. “Commander, where did you put the PADD you were going to give her?” 

“The PADD?” He seemed to ask himself more than her. “Um, uh, well, I ran into her while I was giving Neelix his…” 

She tried to calm herself, prepare for any possible answer. “And?” 

“I gave it to her just before she reported to the away team.” 

Letting out a deep, long breath through her teeth, she closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Commander,” her voice was far lower, anger and fear intermixed, “I’m reporting to the transporter room—”

“Um…” 

She stopped as she reached the doorway, the doors opening for her. “What is it now?”  _ I hope he knows how dead he is if Seven… no. Nope. I’ll transport down, get the PADD as casually as possible, and be back in my quarters before the hour’s up. Relax, Katie. It’s fine.  _

“Um, well,” Chakotay continued, “you can’t transport down.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Wha-what I mean is… there’s interference. The away team took the Flyer. We can’t transport through the atmosphere.” 

Kathryn clutched the wall to support herself. The doors remained open as she held herself up against the frame. Her mind was as blank as it was a blur of sheer panic.  _ God, what did I write again? What did I say? What if she reads all of it? No, if Seven noticed it wasn’t for Astrometrics, she wouldn’t read it…. except, the letter was to her. Of course she’d read it. But they took the Delta Flyer. They’d need her for the task, and they weren’t taking a holiday on the planet. She wouldn’t have time to read it. She couldn’t have time. If she thought it was personal, she’d set it aside for later, after her shift. Yeah. That’s right. The away team would collect samples, a few hours tops, and head back up. She’d have plenty of time to meet them and remove the PADD from Seven’s possession before she ever had a chance to read it.  _

She took a deep breath, straightening herself up once more and letting go of the wall. Her heartbeat finally began to slow and she took a large breath to further calm herself. She gently pressed her hand to her badge. “Janeway to Chakotay.” 

“Chakotay here, ma’am. Janeway. Captain.” 

_ He better be flustered. I swear to god, I’ll kill him if he breathes a single word of any of this to anyone, or heaven forbid, Seven reads... no, she won’t. She wouldn’t.  _

“When is the Delta Flyer due back?” 

“Um, tomorrow at—”

She didn’t hear a single word after ‘tomorrow.’ She could hear his voice as he continued to talk, but the words made no sense. 

This very evening, once their work was done on the planet, Seven would retire without eating much, without needing to regenerate, and she would read the PADD. 

She would read the letter.

“Janeway to Chakotay…” 

“—yes, Captain?” 

Broken, Kathryn’s voice matched her resigned heartache. “I’m taking the day. The bridge is yours.” 

“...yes, Captain.” 

She made a slow trek back to her quarters. She wasn’t sure if anyone had said a word to her or not, she didn’t hear it if they had. She continued to walk, one foot in front of the other, on her way to her quarters, for a quart of whiskey and a black-out rest.


	3. Chapter 3

Seven sat beside Sam around the fire. Despite the upper atmosphere, the planet below was pleasant. The night was cool, the sky dim, lit by two moons. Comfortable. She could understand wanting to take a reprieve on the planet, if it weren’t for the lack of use of the transporter. Five people at a time, back and forth on the Delta Flyer would be tedious and time consuming. Hardly efficient, especially for a few days of shore leave. Instead, she’d have to enjoy it for the single night they were scheduled to be there. 

Sam nudged her with a grin, “so, how are  _ things  _ going?” 

She lifted an eyebrow. “I assume by your tone, you are inquiring about a specific ‘thing.’” 

“I promised Naomi I would.” 

“You cannot blame Naomi for everything.” 

“I’m her mother; I can do that if I want to,” Sam winked. “I’m talking about you-know-who,” she lowered her voice, even though the other three crew members had gone off to their tents and seemed to be fast asleep after their rigorous hike through the mountains, in search of one particular plant the biology department requested. 

Seven looked into the flames, turning downhearted in the glow of firelight. “ _ Things _ are unchanged.” She pinched her lips together to prevent them from turning downward.

“Well, have you tried some of the ideas we talked about?” 

Seven nodded. “She has ceased nearly all communication with me.” 

Sam sighed. “I’m sorry.” 

Seven looked away, working diligently to prevent any tears from forming in front of someone she respected. “It does not matter,” her voice quaked under her whisper. 

“It does matter.” 

Seven turned to her, keeping her expression as neutral as she could under the circumstances. She wasn’t sure what to say to her friend, and simply turned back to the fire. “You should rest. I will keep watch.” 

“No,” Sam said, stretching her arms above her. “I’m commanding this mission and I’m going to be on watch.” She grinned as Seven raised an eyebrow to her. “What?” 

“Power corrupts, Samantha Wildman.” 

She lightly batted the blonde on the shoulder. “Oh hush. You go get some rest.” 

“I do not require ‘rest.’ I do not sleep….” She mumbled to herself quietly, “usually.” 

“I know,” Sam smiled. “But, it’s good to just lay down and let your mind wander.” 

“Is that a theory of yours, or perhaps, will you tell me that it was Naomi’s?” 

Sam snorted a laugh. “Go on, Seven. Go to your tent and just let yourself think about anything. It helps me when I feel stuck. Maybe it’ll help you.” 

“Is that an order?” Seven continued with a small smile. 

“Yes. As your superior officer, I am  _ commanding _ it.” 

A little larger smile grew. “That is not typically how that works.” 

“Well, how about… do it for Naomi?” 

Seven let out an annoyed breath and stood. “Fine. But you are not being fair.” 

“I know,” she grinned. 

She quirked an eyebrow, then turned and proceeded toward the fourth tent. Small as it was, she unzipped the front and climbed in, already in a prone position. She zipped it back up and then lay uncomfortably on her back. Moving her hands onto her stomach, then back at her sides, then back on her stomach, she let out another annoyed breath. 


	4. Chapter 4

“Kathryn, I’m surprised to see you here. What time is it?” Dr. Sadler checked the thin watch around her left wrist. “It’s nearly 3 in the morning!” 

Kathryn slumped on the soft green sofa and put her head in her hands. 

“Let me get you a cup of coffee,” she smiled and went to the replicator. After letting the scent waft in the air for a moment, she smiled again as Kathryn lifted her head to take the drink. 

“Our next session isn’t scheduled until the following week.” She brought a PADD with her as she took her seat across from her patient. “And, you’ve been drinking.” 

Kathryn scoffed, sighed, and then took a few large gulps of the hot liquid before setting the mug down on the coffee table. “Yeah.” She waited for her therapist to say something, but after the considerable silence, she looked up.

Dr. Sadler gave her a half smile. “Tell me what’s going on, Kathryn.” 

She slumped backward and rested her head on the top of the couch, looking up at the speckled ceiling that was all but an image created by and for the holodeck. 

“I’m fucked.” 

Dr. Sadler raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Care to elaborate?” 

She sighed, as she righted her head and looked at her therapist. “I wrote the letter. To  _ her _ . You know…” 

“Seven, yes.” 

Kathryn winced at hearing her name. 

“How was that?” 

“Intense.” 

She nodded. “As we expected it to be.” 

“Yeah. Well, writing it was hard, but… ugh…” she put her head in her hands once more. 

“What is it, Kathryn?” 

“I was so obtuse!” She shot up off the couch and began pacing behind it, gesturing emphatically as she spoke. “Dumb as a box of rocks!” 

Dr. Sadler gave her a look and Kathryn continued. 

“So, we finished our session yesterday. I couldn’t sleep, like usual. So I went to my ready room and—and—I—.” She let out another breath as she continued to pace. 

“I finished up some work and I wrote the letter. It took me three hours to pen the damn thing. It was early, 3 or 4 in the morning. I just—I put the PADD on my desk and I managed to get to my quarters. I was exhausted.”

Dr. Sadler listened intently. 

“I got in a little late this morning after tossing and turning for a few more hours. When I got in…” She shook her head. “My damned Commander had taken the PADD along with the departmental ones I’d finished the night before.” 

“Oh, Kathryn.” 

“He delivered it to her. I ran around the ship like a madwoman! I mean, the crew must really think I’ve lost it.” She scoffed at herself. “I just needed to get to her before she read it.” She put her head back in her hands, slumping into the couch once more. 

“Did you catch her?” Dr. Sadler asked softly. 

Kathryn lifted her head and shook it. “She’s planet-side. Won’t be back until tomorrow. She has the PADD. If she reads it…” 

“What will happen if she reads it?” 

She scoffed once more. “I’m fucked.” 

Dr. Sadler smiled sadly. “ _ How _ , Kathryn?”

“What do you mean how?! She’s going to think I’m—some—creep. Or, I don’t know… She’s going to feel betrayed. And I don’t blame her.” 

“You can’t  _ know  _ how she’ll react, can you?” 

“I can guess!” 

“Yes, precisely. This is most assuredly not ideal, but it does provide you with an opportunity to show her you are not, as you say, a creep.” 

Kathryn shook her head vehemently. “I can’t. The things I said in that letter!” 

“What did you say?” 

“God… Idiot…” she continued shaking her head. “So damn—”

“Now, Kathryn,” Dr. Sadler interrupted, “I think that’s enough of that. It was out of your control that the PADD made it to her. There’s no use in berating yourself for something you couldn’t control. And even if you could,” she cut her off before Kathryn could interject, “it’s too late now. Can you accept that Seven now has the letter and that you were not at fault for that?” 

“I guess.” 

She chuckled. “Well, that’s a start. Now, I want you to take a few breaths.” 

Kathryn followed orders, diligently focusing on her breathing and then reaching for her remaining coffee. Feeling less erratic, she took a few sips and met her therapist’s eyes. 

“Now, what did you express in the letter?” 

“I talked about the time we spent in prison.” 

Dr. Sadler nodded. “Good. We’ve talked about that a lot. How did it feel to write about it?” 

“Strange. I said things that I didn’t even realize until I’d written it. I thanked her for being so wonderful, protecting me. And, I told her it was a relief when she let me tend to her when she had that fever.” 

“And, how are you feeling now about those things that came out while you were writing?” 

“Pathetic,” she grumbled, “I know, I know.” She sighed. “I told her I... loved her, and that I always would. And I told her that I wish I could stop loving her.” She put her head back in her hands. “I told her how painful it is to love her.  _ And _ , I told her that I can’t be her friend.” She looked up once more, solemn, tired.

“Why not?” 

“It’s too painful. I—I told her I’m weak. If I could love her less, I know we’d both be happier.” 

“Kathryn?” She waited until her patient focused on her. “Neither of us know how Seven will respond to your letter, but I think it’s important we discuss how you’re going to deal with her response.” 

“No.” 

“Kathryn…” 

“Can’t I just avoid her for the rest of my life?” 

Dr. Sadler chuckled once more. “I’m not sure that’s very realistic. I think it would be beneficial if we discussed some coping mechanisms. As you’ve said on more than one occasion, you two are forced, to some degree, to be in the same ship for the remainder of your trip to the Alpha quadrant. You will need to develop and stick with your coping skills.” 

Kathryn nodded. “You’re right. I know you’re right, Dr. Sadler. But…” She took a breath. “I can’t.” 

“You can! You can do this, Kathryn. You are far stronger than you give yourself credit for. And as much as you would rather avoid this altogether, that isn’t going to make matters any better.” 

She stared at her therapist a moment, and then rose from her seat. 

“Kathryn?” 

“Thank you, Dr. Sadler, for your time.” 

“Kathryn—”

“Goodbye.” 

“Kathryn, stop—”

“Computer, end program.” 


	5. Chapter 5

“ _Delta Flyer_ to _Voyager_.” 

“ _Voyager_ here,” Tom responded. 

“We’re on our way back.” 

“Groovy, _Delta_.” 

Chakotay looked over at the blonde man with an entertained smile. 

“When the Captain’s away…” Tom bit his lip after the words tumbled out of his mouth. It was no secret that Captain Janeway had run around the ship the day before. And since then, she had made herself as scarce as possible, striding across the bridge without a word and sealing herself up in her ready room. 

“Sorry,” Tom mumbled, going back to his console. 

Chakotay wasn’t quite as dumb as he looked. He knew the crew was anxious, if not concerned. They needed their Captain to keep it together. But, after six years in the Delta quadrant, it was sure to have its effect on her… she, who kept her distance… she, who held herself to the highest possible standard. 

“Tom,” Chakotay said quietly, “what do you make of it?” 

He knew exactly what he meant. Shrugging, his guess was as good as anyones. The importance of privacy to the Captain meant she didn’t seem to confide in anyone, except possibly the Commander or Seven of Nine. He leaned in, lowering his voice further, “Have you asked Seven?” 

He lifted his brow, but quickly realized Tom had a point. If anyone on board had any idea what Kathryn was dealing with, it was either himself or Seven, and he had no clue. 

“How long until they’re back?” 

Tom checked his board. “Hour and a half.” 

“Guess I‘ll have to wait until then.” Chakotay leaned back in the Captain’s chair, looking over a PADD, though the words in front of him were meaningless. He contemplated the day before. Kathryn seemed both wayworn and frantic as she searched the ship for Seven. And, it was only after he distributed the PADDs. There were really only two people who could elucidate the matter, but one was avoiding everyone like the plague, and the other, though on her way, was as icy to him as he was to her. 

Still, duty called. He rose from his chair and headed toward the ready room. It was soft, but distinguishable, as Tom wished him good luck. Instead of waiting for the Captain’s approval, he strode in and stopped, letting the door close fully behind him. 

“Captain,” he tried to say casually as he walked around to the chair in front of her desk and perched at the edge of the seat. He watched her rub her temples with her fingers, and it took him a moment to realize why the room felt different—the lights were slightly dimmed. 

“Migraine?” he asked. 

She kept her head down, taking a sip of water. “Hangover.” 

He lifted his eyebrows in surprise, but it didn’t quite add up. He’d known Kathryn for six years now. She wasn’t the type to drink heavily. She also wasn’t the type to run around the ship like she had...

“The _Delta Flyer_ is on its way back.” He could hear her gasp more than see it. “Kathryn?” 

“I heard you.” She swiveled her chair around so her back was to him. 

“We’ll want to debrief with them…?” 

“Yes,” she said hoarsely. 

“I’ll call for the meeting in the conference room…?” 

“Yes, good.” 

He waited silently, unsure what to do or say. Kathryn cherished her privacy, and even more, detested sympathy. Yet, she was his friend, a sister like his own, Sekky, who he’d missed since before their interaction with the Caretaker. And Kathryn needed a friend, a brother, so it seemed. 

“You’re excused,” she croaked.

Every instinct told him to run out of the room and leave the woman to herself, and as her First Officer, that was by far the safest bet. But, as her friend, he couldn’t manage to follow her directive. He remained seated. “Kath—”

“Dismissed.” 

“There’s something going on. What is it? You’re—I’m here. If there’s anything you want to talk about…” 

“I don’t. Dismissed.” 

He sighed and rose from his seat. He knew when he’d struck out. Turning toward the door, he spoke into the quiet ready room once more. “I’m here, if you need to talk.” He strode out and reclaimed the Captain’s chair, glancing at Tom. The blonde man raised his eyebrows in question. Shaking his head, both he and the helmsman let out a disappointed sigh.


	6. Chapter 6

The officers, and Samantha, sat around the conference table listening to the hum of the ship. Chakotay tapped a finger against the table, doing his best to avoid eye contact with anyone, and finding his attention continuously drawn to Seven at the far end of the table. 

He checked the time once more; the Captain was late by fifteen minutes. Having enough, he went to tap his combadge when an incoming message interrupted him.

“Janeway to Chakotay.” 

“Yes, Captain. We’re assembled in the conference room.” 

“Please debrief and leave all relevant information on my desk.” Her voice was coarse, and peculier, and didn’t elude anyone in the room. 

Silence filled the air once more. Chakotay debated his next move, and finding Seven to be frowning in a concerned and quizzical expression, he pressed on. “Captain, if it’s more convenient, we can reschedule the debriefing.” 

“No, Commander. Just leave the information on my desk. Janeway out.” 

He didn’t hide his snort of annoyance. That surely could’ve gone better. The one time he wished he weren’t First Officer. Though, he wasn’t sure Tuvok would be able to do much either, if not make it worse in some way. He turned back to the group. “Let’s hear it, Sam.” 

The elder Wildman smiled warmly, her cheeks flushing slightly. “Yes, Commander.” 

He, too, slightly blushed, though it was more difficult to catch in his darker cheeks. “Thanks.” 

  
  


With the meeting wrapped up, he excused the group with their new assignments and orders. If the Captain wasn’t going to make decisions, then, fine, _he_ would. And, if he played his cards right, he may be able to make enough ‘mistakes’ to get her back in the saddle. Contrary to his past experiences captaining his own ship, he’d found he preferred the second seat. He’d agreed to the role of First Officer, but Captain? After 6 years of less stress, less responsibility, and less grey hair that comes from being solely responsible? He would do everything he could to keep Kathryn alive, not only as his friend, but out of his desire to remain very much second in command. Kathryn breaking under some sort of pressure however, when there wasn’t any he could discern, was unexpected and disturbing. 

As the group began to disperse, he rose from his chair, glancing at Sam as she met his eyes. She nodded and he gave her a small smile. 

“Seven?” Chaktoay called before the blonde could make it out of the room. 

She stopped and turned around, her hands clasped behind her back. “Commander.” 

He tried to find any sign or indication that she knew what was going on with the Captain, but came out empty. He sighed and retook his seat while she remained standing. “How are you?” 

“Pardon?” 

“How are you doing? Is everything okay?”

“...Yes,” she responded with a frown, “...are you… ‘okay’?”

He chuckled. “Yes. I’m fine.”

She waited in silence for a few long moments. “Is that all?” 

“Seven, is there something I should know?” 

She tilted her head. “Clarify.” 

“In terms of any sort of… relationship. Have you seen or heard anything about... _anyone_ in particular?” Who was he kidding by trying to be subtle? 

She studied him until it dawned on her. He sighed with relief. _Thank you, Doctor, for Seven’s social lessons._

“I am certain that if you asked her she would say yes.” 

His head automatically pulled back. “Her? Me? What are you talking about?” 

“You are wondering if Samantha Wildman would be agreeable to a date with you. She would, I believe.” 

He was stunned by her assessment, and by the fact that they had somehow jumped to his possible romantic life. And, how had the ex-Borg of all people noticed his attraction to Samantha? 

“Unless I have erred. Is that not what you meant, Commander?” 

“No—uh, yeah.” 

She lifted her cortical node slightly, disbelieving. “Is that all?” 

“Um, yeah, you’re dismissed.” 

Seven nodded once and turned, striding across the room to the door, and stopping just shy of it. Unsure how to proceed, she faced the exit, but didn’t move. 

“Seven?” 

She swiveled around slowly. “Commander, I have a… personal question? Is this an appropriate time?” 

“Yeah, ‘course.” 

She nodded but words continued to elude her. How could she pose a question without it seeming like she was personally concerned? Maybe it didn’t matter if he noticed that part. “The Captain. Is she… all right?” 

He studied the tall blonde for a long moment before smiling and glancing out toward the starfield. “I was going to ask you.” 

“Explain.” 

“It’s probably nothing. I think she might just need a break.” 

“It is well-known that the Captain does not take care of her nutritional and sleeping requirements to maintain good health.” 

He chuckled. “I don’t know how ‘well-known’ it is, but _we_ definitely know she does that.” 

It seemed like there was more that the Commander was not saying, but after two days away, she was ready to regenerate. “Thank you, Commander.” She turned, not waiting for a dismissal, and strode out of the room. 

  
  


Entering Cargo Bay 2, she let out a long breath and rolled her shoulders in an attempt to loosen her muscles. Sleeping on the ground was as comfortable as it sounded, even if she hadn’t actually slept. Her neck had a crick, her side ached, and she felt filthy having not been able to shower. 

After stopping by the sonic shower down the hall, she felt slightly better as she re-entered the cargo bay, once again relieved to find it empty. She stopped by a table where she kept some of her less important things, research PADDs, random pieces of metal she wasn’t ready to recycle, and a few pieces of Borg-encrusted technology that she continued to tinker with. 

Glancing down as she turned for the alcove, something caught her eye. She stepped to the side of the table and found a face-down PADD on the floor. She recalled the day before, dashing back to the Bay to grab an experimental piece of tech, and tossing the PADD down that Chakotay had given her, before rushing back to the transporter room. Frowning, she picked it up, turned it around and tapped it awake. 

  
  


_Dear Seven,_

_I can’t believe I’m writing this. Dr. Sadl…_


	7. Chapter 7

Four hard knocks on her door startled her and her daughter as they read in the living room. “Come in,” Sam frowned. Naomi leapt off the floor and launched herself into a hug with her best friend.

“Naomi! You shouldn’t do that,” Sam chided. 

Seven wrapped her arms around the young girl with a smile. “Hello, Naomi.” 

“Seven! I didn’t know you were coming over!” 

“I was not planning to,” she looked up from her squatted position at Samantha. The older woman seemed to sense she needed to speak to her alone. 

“Naomi, go get ready for bed, please.” 

“But moooom—”

“Naomi,” she clipped. 

“Okay, but don’t go without saying goodnight!” She smiled at Seven and then bounced out of the room. 

Seven rose from her position, still feeling the faint soreness in her side. She hadn’t had the chance to regenerate after all. 

“What’s going on?” Sam asked with concern. She was astounded by the largest, warmest smile she’d ever seen on the blonde. “Seven? Are one of those assimilated personalities coming back? Should I call the Doctor?”

To Sam’s utter surprise, Seven released a laugh—no small, demure one, but a loud bark. “ _ What _ is going on with you?” 

The blonde let out a deep breath and came a little closer to her friend. She put her hands on her shoulders, and closed her eyes in an attempt to calm her racing heart. 

Opening once more, she only let a small grin erupt on her face. “She loves me.” 

“What?” Sam frowned. “Who? What are you—” she tilted her head, looking at her suspiciously. “ _ Her? _ ”

Seven nodded. 

“Her-her?” 

She chuckled, and then whispered the name like a veneration, “Kathryn.” 

Speechless, Sam shook her head slightly, and her mouth opened and closed. 

“Okay, mom, I’m ready for bed,” Naomi said from the hallway. 

“I have to get her to bed,” Sam mumbled. Seven nodded. “You,” she pointed seriously to Seven, “do  _ not  _ go anywhere.” 

Seven smiled as she reached down and gave Naomi a hug goodnight. 

“She’s using her serious tone on you, Sev,” Naomi whispered, “I hope you’re not in trouble.” 

Seven whispered affectionately, “I am, just not with your mother.” She hugged tighter, “Do not worry. Goodnight, Naomi Wildman.” 

Upon their exit, Sam mouthed to the blonde, “Stay.” 

  
  


“Okay, spill.” 

Seven tilted her head, looking to the two waters on the table. 

“I mean, tell me what the heck is going on!” 

She grinned. “She wrote me a letter.” 

“A letter?” 

“Well,” Seven sighed, “it was not a letter I was supposed to read.” 

Sam waited with her eyebrows raised and gestured for her to continue. 

“She expressed that it was recommended she write one to me, to… I believe Kathryn intended the exercise to alleviate her of her feelings for me.” 

Sam knocked her playfully, “Feelings for you!” 

Seven shook her head with rosy cheeks. “The letter was not intended to be shared. She wrote… personal, private thoughts. Ones I don’t believe she would ever willingly share, especially with me.” 

“Well, how’d you get it in the first place?” 

“Commander Chakotay. He delivered the PADD just before we had to depart. I needed to return to the Cargo Bay, and I left it there. I found it on the floor a few hours ago. It must have slipped off the table.” She leaned back against the couch. 

“So why do you look so down?” 

She sighed. “Either Commander Chakotay deliberately gave me Kathryn’s letter, or he did so by accident. However, it doesn’t appear he read it. After our debriefing, he mentioned that he hoped I would know how the Captain was doing. If he had read the letter, I assume he would’ve known why the Captain was apparently acting erratically.” 

“She was?” 

Seven nodded. “I spoke with a few crew members. They claimed the Captain had been running around the ship looking for something.” 

“I see.” Sam tapped her chin. “So… what does this mean? Did she… write that she wanted to… be with you?” 

Seven’s energy slipped further away as she sunk deeper into the couch. “On the contrary. She expressed her wish to be free of loving me.” 

“Oh.” 

Seven snorted. “Humans are vexing.” 

“I know,” Sam smiled. “What else did she say?” 

“She expressed that she missed the planet, Deron Z72 _ ,  _ because we had little other choice than to be close.” 

“That was the prison planet, right?” 

Seven nodded. “She also commented that she cannot sleep, and has not slept well since that time.” 

By the way Sam was looking at her, Seven explained further. “While we were on Deron Z72, there were extenuating circumstances that forced us to share a bunk.”

“Oh really?” Sam waggled her eyebrows. 

Seven frowned slightly. “Kathryn’s cellmate was irate and threatened her on many occasions. To protect her, I laid with her, placing her between myself and the wall. The cellmate would need to get through me to get to Kathryn.” 

“Awe, Seven.” 

“I did not realize that… she also found our embrace to be… satisfactory.” 

“Wait. You went from laying beside her to embracing.” 

Seven nodded. “She turned over a few nights later, and wrapped her arm around me. I do not believe she was awake. She rested her head on my chest and slept soundly amongst the movement of prisoners in the morning.” A far away look, Seven warmed, thinking of the night.

Sam held her hands over her mouth to prevent herself from saying ‘awe’ once more. Seven hadn’t seemed to enjoy it before. 

“The next night, she lay with her back to me. I’m not sure what compelled me. I… moved closer to her, and put my arm around her.” 

“Awe! You spooned her!” 

“Yes, that is what Kathryn called it in the letter. I wondered what exactly the term meant.” 

“What did she say about that?” 

“She said it was…” Seven took a shaky breath, “everything to her.” 

Sam clicked her tongue and gave her a sappy sweet smile. 

Losing her own light, airy smile, Seven continued, “She also communicated that she sometimes wishes it never happened, because she no longer sleeps.” Seven put her head in her hands, a gesture she found to be effective in hiding her emotions. Sam’s hand found her back and gently rubbed. 

“Seven? Hey.” 

She angrily swiped away a few tears before turning to Sam, who quickly pulled her into a hug. “Are these happy tears or sad tears?” 

“They are both.” She pulled away, sitting back. “She does not want to be with me, Samantha.” 

She shook her head vigorously. “No. No, she definitely wants to be with you, Seven.” 

The blonde frowned and watched her closely. “Explain.” 

“Who’s the most stubborn, self-deprecating, self-sacrificing member on  _ Voyager _ , besides yourself?” Sam smiled. “That same person has the world on her shoulders. You’ve seen the guilt she carries. You know she solely blames herself for all of us being in the Delta Quadrant. How about the Caretaker? Isn’t he the real reason? And, how many times have we seen her deserve a break, only for her to refuse because something needed to be accomplished?” 

Seven continued to frown. 

She wrapped her hands around Seven’s and looked her in the eye. “She doesn’t think she deserves to be happy, or in love. And, I would imagine, she’s afraid you don’t feel the same way about her.” 

“Yes, she has addressed the latter. She believes that I will be ‘disgusted’ by her.” 

“Right,” Sam said definitely, releasing her hands. 

“Right what?” 

Sam let out an overly exasperated breath and sat at the edge of the couch. “Seven of Nine. Do you love her?” 

“Yes, I believe I have shared that information with you many times.” 

“Right. And are you just going to let her get her way? I thought resistance—” 

Seven shook her head, cutting her off, “I don’t understand.” 

Sam rolled her eyes. Where was B’Elanna when she needed her? “You love her. She loves you. There’s no question there?” 

“Correct.” 

“You’re a smart cookie. Surely you can come up with a few strategies to win her over.” 

She opened her mouth but no words came so she closed it again. “I am uncertain how, it is not a subject I am very familiar with.” Though, the cogs were turning.

Sam smiled. “I’ll help, so will B’Elanna if you ask her, and pretty much anybody else on board. But, if you’re going to do this, you need to be sure this is what you want. I don’t think Kathryn deserves to have her heart broken, just as I don’t think you do either.” 

Seven turned slowly to Sam. A determined and flickering passion in her eyes. “I have never been more certain of anything.” 

Sam looked deeply into her eyes before a smirk arose. “Good. We have work to do.” 

Unsure how to properly thank her friend, Seven reached over and pulled her into a hug. “Thank you, Samantha Wildman, thank you.” 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to my betas <3

“Janeway to Chakotay.” 

On the bridge, Chaktoay and Tom looked at his combadge in unison. “Chakotay here.” 

Tom checked the time. She was now twenty minutes late and her voice was even harsher than it had been the night before. 

“You have the bridge today, Commander.” 

“Captain?” 

“Janeway out.” 

He let out another frustrated snort. 

“Did you ask Seven?” Tom asked quietly. 

He nodded. “She didn’t say much. But, she’s concerned, too.” 

“What do we do?” 

Tuvok, overhearing their rather loud whispering, turned to them with his hands behind his back and his head held high. “I believe it would be best to further consult Seven of Nine about this matter.” 

“Why?” Both men asked together.

Tuvok glanced around the room. 

Springing to his feet, Chakotay nodded. “Let’s go to the conference room. Harry, can you hold the bridge for awhile?” 

“Yes, sir!” Harry grinned. 

“Tom, you’re with us.” 

The blonde grinned as he followed the two men toward the conference room. 

Sitting across from one another, they waited as Tuvok took the head seat. “The Captain will not be pleased that I am sharing this information. It is personal.” 

Tom nodded, “I won’t say a word. On my life.”

Tuvok seemed to accept that, and looked to the Commander. 

“Same,” he quickly added, assuming Tuvok would’ve found him worthy already. 

“I have been concerned for Kathryn’s health for some time. However, her health began to noticeably deteriorate in the last four weeks and 4 days.” 

“Any particular reason?” Tom eyed him.

“Yeah...” Chakotay remembered. “That was around the time we picked them up from that planet.”

“Deron Z72,” Tuvok added. 

“The prison,” Tom shivered. “Been there, done that, no thanks.” 

“Do you think it’s possible…” Chakotay didn’t want to think of it, but he had no choice. “Do you think... something happened to her there?” 

Tom grew solemn at the question, realizing the Captain could’ve experienced any number of traumatic events, if not even simply the psychological harm of existing without freedom to do and be as one chooses. 

“I do,” Tuvok added, “however I do not believe it to be what you are imagining.” 

Both men looked him directly in the eye, mostly relieved, and curious. 

Tuvok continued hesitantly. “...It has been my understanding… I believe Kathryn has developed feelings for a crew member. And I believe she and that crew member experienced an event or events during their time on the prison planet.” 

“The only crew member with her was Sev—oh.” Tom frowned. “Oh!” He tilted his head. “Ohhhhh.” 

Chakotay chuckled at him before turning to Tuvok with some misgivings. “Seems like a bit of a stretch. What makes you think that’s what happened?” 

Tuvok remained silent, his lips slightly pursed. Tom and Chakotay eyed him suspiciously. “I will say that my information is correct.” 

Tom squinted. “Sounds like someone was snooping, huh?” 

“Do not answer that,” Chakotay said quickly to the Vulcan. 

“I did not intend to.” 

“Good. We have enough problems.” He sighed again, firmly massaging his head. Is this where Kathryn gets her ticks from? “So, you want to talk to Seven?” 

Tuvok raised an eyebrow. “That is what I said.” 

“Why Seven?” Tom interjected. “I mean, shouldn’t someone else?” 

“The Captain is currently unable to help herself, let alone handle an interrogation of her personal experiences. I believe Seven, knowing Kathryn, and what they experienced on the planet, may enlighten us, in order to effectively help the Captain.” 

Tom nodded. “Right.” 

“So, that’s what we’ll do?” Chakotay asked them. After they both nodded, he responded in the same. “Okay.”


	9. Chapter 9

“Okay sweetie, do you remember what to do?” Sam asked Naomi in their living room. 

She rolled her eyes. “Mooom. I knowww.” 

“This is very important. You know how much Seven cares about the Captain.” 

Naomi hugged her mom. “I will do so good!” 

Sam took a deep breath. They’d all discussed the matter in length, and come to the same conclusion. There was only one person innocent enough to coax the Captain out of her quarters.

“Tell me one more time,” Sam said as they walked toward the turbolift. 

Inside, Naomi recited the directive. “Get the Captain to go to the holodeck with me. That’s it, Mom.” 

“You’re forgetting something.” 

She frowned. “Oh! To get away when the lights go out. I know that. I just didn’t say it.” 

Sam smiled at her little girl. “I know. I’m just nervous, sweetie.” 

“Why?” 

“I want both of my friends to be happy.” 

“They will be. Resistance is futile,” she iterated without any doubt. 

Sam tittered and lay a soft hand on Naomi’s head. “You’re right when you’re right.” 

  
  


She waited after the second chime, switching her weight back and forth on her feet. Looking down the hall, Sam peeked out from the corner. She shrugged toward her mother. Sam directed her to keep pressing the chime.

The girl grinned as she went to town on the button, poking it relentlessly; she estimated at least a hundred times. She jumped as the doors opened and the Captain stood just inside. 

The room was dark, and she could barely make out the Captain’s shape. Taking a slight step forward, Naomi’s eyes finally adjusted and she noticed the darkness under the Captain’s reddened eyes and her disheveled hair. If she hadn’t known better, she would’ve thought the Captain had been fighting a targ. 

“Naomi,” the Captain husked in a rough voice. 

“Captain! I need you to come with me!” 

“What?” Kathryn asked with a frown, squinting from the lights in the hall, even at their lowest wattage, for the night shift.

“I want to show you something I’ve been working on!” 

“Naomi. It’s not a good time. You should go home.” 

“No.” 

The Captain stopped short at the firm word from the girl. 

“I mean… no?” Naomi winced. “Please, Captain? I’ve been working so hard on it! I really, really, really, really want to show you. Please?” She performed her greatest puppy-eyed spectacle yet.

Kathryn rolled her eyes and pressed her temple at the ache. “One minute,” she gruffed. 

The doors closed and Naomi gave her mom a thumbs up. Sam signed that she was going down to the holodeck, and her daughter nodded. After a few minutes, the Captain re-emerged. Her hair had been combed and her clothes straightened, but the corridor lights gave away her exhaustion. She looked thinner, slightly slouched, and her tiredness spread from her eyes to the lethargic movement of her limbs. 

Naomi couldn’t recall ever seeing the Captain so disheveled, and miserable, she thought. She slipped her hand into the older woman’s as they rode the turbolift down. 

She’d prepared all kinds of things to say when the Captain inevitably asked questions about the program. But, it seemed the Captain was further along in her exhaustion than they thought. She didn’t utter a word. No questions, no curiosity. Naomi pursed her lips. She didn’t like this Kathryn. It wasn’t Kathryn. She missed the one she’d known her whole life, but more than anything, she worried for her Captain.

Inside the holodeck, she led them into a coniferous forest in the dark of night. A large moon shone above however, and Naomi dragged the Captain by her hand. They snaked through large trees and other Earth plant life. Owls hooted in the distance, and despite her sheer exhaustion, Kathryn was in awe of their surroundings. 

“You made this?” Kathryn asked hoarsely. 

Naomi giggled as she led them into a glade. With the open space around them, Kathryn ogled the moon above. It seemed twice as large as it was supposed to be, but its detail made her smile. The man in the moon was a familiar image she had meditated on as she grew up, especially in the Indiana sky. Now, standing below la Luna once again, she felt her heart thud painfully in her chest. She knew she was falling apart. Her lack of sleep had infiltrated all parts of her. Work, body, mind, emotion, spirit. 

Somewhat removed from her senses, she realized that she no longer felt Naomi’s hand around her own, and looked down. The young girl was standing beside her, staring at her. Kathryn tried to smile but it came out as more of a wince. Throwing her arms around the Captain’s waist, she tightly hugged one of her heroes for a long moment. Stepping back again, Naomi looked up at the Moon and Kathryn followed suit. 

Then, suddenly, darkness. 

Annoyed, Kathryn frowned into the space that had turned into a black void. She looked about her, though found it to be a ridiculous task. She couldn’t see her own hand in front of her face. “Naomi?” 

With no response, she cleared her throat and spoke a little louder, though it only seemed to come out as croak. “Naomi?” 

Waiting a long moment for anything to happen, she rolled her eyes despite the ache in her head. “Computer, end program.” 

“Cannot comply,” came the response. 

“Computer, show exit.” 

“Cannot comply,” it repeated. 

“Christ,” she snorted a flash of anger. “Computer, end program, Captain’s authorization—”

“Cannot comply.” 

She grunted her frustration. “Captain Janeway to Chakotay.” 

“Cannot comply.” 

Just as she was ready to let frustrated, tired tears erupt, the sound and image of flooding overhead lights began in the distance. She watched as the rectangular fluorescents thudded toward her. Her mouth hung open as a room materialized around her, the sickly glow of the lights flickering and buzzing above. She could smell the familiar, yet oddly comforting, odor of metal, concrete, sweat and stale air. The unfinished floor beneath her feet was hard and cracked and splotched with a brown color she was never quite sure was paint, or blood. 

The bunk in front of her was just as she remembered. The below bunk without a mattress, the top one fairly intact, blue, and not very comfortable. No windows, no fresh air, no freedom. 

“What did I tell you, bitch?” 

Kathryn’s jaw clenched. She knew that voice, remembered every bit of its girlish, too-sweet tone. She turned slowly, affixing a customary glare, force 8, not deeming her cellmate worth her force 10, yet. 

“Get out of my cell,” she glared. 

Kathryn’s gravelly voice became an advantage in making her sound more menacing. “Like hell.” 

Just as she remembered, the rather tall and buff woman pulled back an arm. Kathryn knew, as she had then, that standing her ground would be the only way the horrible woman would lay off. She closed her eyes, waiting for the awful pain to come. And as she had experienced before, she felt a presence brush by her, followed by a deep thump.

Peeking her eyes open, she found herself looking at the back of a blonde ponytail. 

“Do not touch her.” 

Seven’s voice was low, far darker than Kathryn had known possible, for a second time. 

There was a gruff scoff, and then she saw her cellmate walk carefully around her, a bloodied mouth, exit the cell. Kathryn turned back to find Seven facing her. She hadn’t been close to her officer in a long time, feeling more like months than a couple weeks. 

“Are you harmed, Kathryn?” 

She frowned, running her eyes over Seven’s prison clothes. The awful, drab grey, that somehow didn’t deter from her beauty. She looked down at her own clothes, finding her Captain’s uniform, and shook her head. 

“Kathryn?” 

“I’m fine. Fine.” 

“It is late. You should rest. She will not bother you again.” Seven headed toward the cell door but Kathryn turned to face her. 

“Don’t leave,” she pleaded. Had she sounded so desperate the first time around? 

Seven seemed to consider her, just as she had before. She glanced out the cell door, and then moved toward Kathryn. Standing beside the bunk, she held out her hand. Like a moth to flame, with only half a mind, Kathryn took the proffered hand and allowed herself to be assisted onto the top mattress. 

On her back, she nervously waited, unsure if the blonde would follow or not. A moment later, Seven’s head popped up. She lifted herself up and slid in beside her. A tight fit, but not impossible. She lay on her back, the left side of her body flush with Kathryn’s right. 

“Seven?” 

“Yes, Kathryn?” 

“I’m dreaming, aren’t I?”

Seven turned her head to look across the small space between them, running her eyes over Kathryn’s thinner features. She’d nearly gasped when she first saw her as she and Naomi had entered the holodeck. 

“You must rest, Kathryn.” She reached her fingers around to gently wrap Kathryn’s hand. “Please.” 

The redhead turned toward her, her eyes more tired than she’d ever recalled seeing. Turning her body slightly to her, Seven opened her arm. She waited, her eyes glued to Kathryn’s clouded yet familiar irises. 

Pulling her hand gently away from Seven, Kathryn turned over, allowing Seven to move closer, and lay her cheek against the blonde’s shoulder. Seven adjusted herself around the smaller woman, pulling her tighter to her body and wrapping her arms around her. The warmth and the steady heartbeat beneath Kathryn’s ear instantly calmed her frazzled nerves. Her eyes fluttered closed at Seven’s familiar scent. 

She mumbled, in the realm between sleeping and waking, “I missed you.” 

Seven lightly petted her auburn hair for a few minutes until she heard a faint, delightful snore. “I have missed you as well, Kathryn,” she whispered. 

  
  


The Captain woke with a start. Disoriented and confused, she sat up in her bed and found she was, in fact, in her quarters, in her own bed. No clue how she got there, she remembered her dream and smiled widely. It didn’t matter how she got to her bed. Not only had she slept, according to the clock, at least five hours, she could also still feel Seven around her body. 

She flicked the bed wrappings off her and hurried off to the shower. She’d only be twenty minutes late to the bridge. That was better than not showing up at all.

After cleansing and changing into her uniform, she noticed a PADD sitting on her night stand. Cocking her head to the left, she approached it with caution. The metal was cool in her hands and to her surprise, she felt her body shiver in anxiety. Double tapping the screen, a text document awaited her. 

  
  


_ Captain Janeway,  _

_ I am not an eloquent writer, however I believe that there are a few important matters we need to discuss. I have reserved holodeck 2 for 19:00 hours. I would not request to infringe upon your time if it were unimportant. _

_ I hope you will oblige my request.  _

  
  


_ Seven of Nine _


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay! Thanks for reading :)

Sam sat across the Commander’s small dining table. He winced as he waited for her reaction. The woman was brave, taking a big bite out of the tuna salad he’d prepared. 

“Chakotay!” Sam exclaimed through a full mouth. She took a swig of lemonade after swallowing. “This is great!” 

He blushed lightly and lifted his fork, taking a small bite of his own. He shrugged, it wasn’t too bad. 

“Who would’ve thought our second in command was such a good cook!” 

He chuckled. “Hardly. But, thank you. My mom taught my sister and I.” 

“And your father?” Sam inquired as she took a smaller bite, for conversation’s sake.

“Dad was… mostly absent.” 

She hummed, it made sense to her. “A mama's boy.” 

Chakotay feigned shock. “Why, Miss Wildman. Just wait ‘til I tell my mom what you said.” 

She laughed boisterously and took another sip of her lemonade. 

He grinned across the table, giving her a soft, warm smile. Slowly sliding his hand across the table, he aimed to gently touch hers when the doors to his quarters opened. He yanked back his hand as the ex-Borg infiltrated their lunch, brushing by him and going directly to Sam. 

“Seven! Is everything all right?” 

Chakotay glared at the blonde. “Please, come in.” When would the Astrometrics officer learn to show a little respect? 

“I am uncertain.” 

He left his seat and gathered another chair to put beside Sam. Seven took it without word or acknowledgement of him. 

“What happened? You didn’t stop by last night,” Sam lowered her voice. “Did things…?” 

Seven glanced toward the Commander. 

“I’ll give you two a few minutes.” 

“No,” Seven stood. “I have interrupted your date.” She ignored how both Sam and Chakotay blushed while their pulses raised. “I will leave.” 

“Seven,” Chakotay interrupted. “Please, take a seat. It’s fine. I want to know just as much as Sam does.” 

She lifted her cortical node at that and to her surprise, he laughed. “Okay, maybe not literally as much as Sam, but I would like to know how Kathryn is. Did she get any sleep?” 

Seven straightened her back as Chakotay sat once more. Standing a few feet away, the blonde nodded. “She slept for 5.3 hours.” 

“That’s better than nothing.” 

“She believed it to be a dream.” 

“Oh, Seven,” Sam gave her a sad smile. 

“I left her a note, as you recommended.” 

“Okay, good. You invited her to the holodeck?” Sam asked. 

Seven dipped her head in agreement. “However,” she gulped, “the Captain has not yet responded to the invitation.” 

“You _invited_ her?” Chakotay gaped. 

Sam playfully whacked him with her napkin. 

“Sorry,” he blushed. “I’ve only ever heard you demand.” 

Seven frowned momentarily, unable to hold onto her irritation with the Commander. She spoke to Sam quietly, “I do not believe she will meet with me.” 

“Now, you don’t know that.” 

“She has not responded.” 

“Maybe she won’t respond, but she’ll show up. Or,” Sam gestured to the chair and Seven reluctantly took it, “she may not show tonight.” 

Seven put her head in her hands, to Chakotay’s surprise. He couldn’t recall a single time he’d seen the stoic Borg in such a human position. 

“What did we talk about?” Sam asked gently. 

Lifting her head slightly, Seven responded, “That we would not give up.” 

“That’s right,” Chakotay voiced. Her surprise at his words were a painful reminder of his treatment toward her over the years. “Look, Seven, I know we haven’t always gotten along. I’ve been… hard on you.” 

Seven didn’t argue it, only watched him across the table as he fidgeted his hands and stumbled through his words. 

“And Seven, I’m sorry I was such a --”

“Jerk,” Sam completed for him.

Chakotay snorted with a smile. “Exactly. A jerk. I’m sorry.” 

She cocked her head as she tried to look for his deception, his angle. Sam had become a good friend of hers, and she needed to know one thing that she’d never had the chance to ask of the Commander. 

“You once loved Kathryn.” It wasn’t a question after all. 

He nodded. “I’ve always loved Kathryn.” He waited as both women eyed him. “She is one of the most stubborn, difficult, intelligent, and compassionate people I know. She reminds me so much of my sister. She _is_ my sister. After nine years in the Delta Quadrant… I love her very much, Seven.” 

Sam smiled at him while Seven’s expression softened slightly. 

He shook his head. “Time flies…” He met her eyes directly across the table, speaking clearly to her, “Kathryn is in love with you. She needs you. She’ll come around, if you keep at it.” 

Seven felt blood rush to her ears making them burn hot. 

“And, if you don’t believe _me_ , you can’t argue with her oldest friend, and the most Vulcanist Vulcan there is on board, who also feels the same way.” He gaped once more as he witnessed for the first time since he’d known the ex-Borg, a large, genuine smile grace her entire being. 

“Don’t catch flies,” Sam giggled. Chakotay snapped his mouth shut and came back to his senses, mostly. 

“So, if she doesn’t show up tonight,” he continued, “me, Sam, Tuvok, Tom, B’Elanna, Harry, Naomi and nearly every other member of this crew, will do everything we can to help you. We won’t give up if you don’t. And we hope you won’t.” 

Her chest warm and her eyes threatening to water, Seven rose from her seat and looked on at the two people sitting in front of her. “Thank you, Commander.” 

He grinned. “Of course.” 

Turning to Sam, she gave the woman a concerned, afraid look and Sam wrapped her in a hug. “I know it’s hard to wait. But, as long as you still want to do this--”

“I do,” Seven quickly noted. 

“Good. Then, you may have to wait for a while longer.” 

“But…”

“What is it?” Sam encouraged. 

She let out a sigh. “Kathryn’s intention was never for me to read the letter. I do not know if it is fair--”

“Seven, it doesn’t matter whether she intended it or not. You’ve read it. The cat’s out of the bag.” 

She turned to the Commander for clarification, something he found oddly gratifying, like he’d been let in as her friend for the first time. “It means you can’t unsay what’s been said.” 

“I see. I still do not know if it is appropriate--”

“You deserve to be heard, Seven. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. You are an individual. You have every right to be heard when it comes to how you feel,” Sam responded sternly. 

“But she is the Captain!” 

Chaktoay shook his head. “No. I mean, yes, she’s the Captain, but you’re not trying to convince her to take an alternate route through the next section. You’re telling her how you feel _personally_.”

“Considering what she wrote,” Sam added, “you deserve to be heard by her, Seven.” 

She nodded with another sigh, but as she recalled how it had felt to hold Kathryn the night before, a small lift came to her lips. 

_She has it bad_ , Chakotay thought. 

Resolute, she held her head high as she took a step back from the table. She smiled and then turned and left the Commander’s quarters. 

They watched the closed doors for a long moment before Chakotay looked over at his lunch date. “What do you think?” 

“About her or about Kathryn?” 

“Yes.” 

She smiled as she retook her fork. “If Kathryn thinks she can run away from Seven, she’s in for a hard lesson.” 

He nodded. _You got that right._


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter update. Only one or two more to go! (So much for being a one-shot.) ;)

“Janeway to Chakotay.” 

“Captain?” he responded right away, sitting in his chair on the bridge. 

“Report to my ready room.” 

Tom winced at him. Didn’t sound like the Captain was in a much better mood than any other day in the last week. Chakotay shrugged as he strode into the Captain’s ready room. 

“Captain,” he reported promptly. 

“Commander,” she took a sip of a strong smelling coffee he could almost taste from where he waited five feet away. “There were a stack of PADDs on my desk 30 minutes ago. Now they seemed to have disappeared. Any thoughts on that?” 

“Oh, yes, Captain. I’m sorry I didn’t inform you. A couple of the departments wanted to rectify their reports after Seven was able to expand the Astrometrics field. It included a couple more planets that were of interest.” 

“This is the second time you have taken something from my desk without my authorization. Is this a habit I’m just noticing?” 

He knew that voice. It wasn’t a good one. “No, Captain. It’s not a habit.” 

She eyed him for a long time. “The next time you’d like to remove something from my desk, you will ask before doing so. Is that clear?” 

“Of course, Captain.” He waited for more but was surprised to find the auburn haired Captain deflating. 

Despite her obvious tiredness, she looked better than she had in weeks. Her skin had foregone some of its pallor, and her cheeks seemed a little less gaunt. Even her hair had a little bit of its sheen back. 

“Something you’re waiting for?” She commented lowly, as she took another sip. 

“No. I was just wondering if you’ve been able to sleep, Kathryn.” 

She didn’t appreciate him dictating that they were now speaking as friends, but she was still too tired to waste energy on every little thing. She had to pick her battles. “A little.” 

“That’s great! What did the trick?” 

She inhaled a small bit of coffee but managed to swallow down her cough. “I had a nice dream.” _Or what I thought was a dream._

“That’s great! Anything worth talking about?” 

She considered his question for a moment, and then realized without the PADDs she’d saved for last, her plan had been foiled. She’d purposefully taken her time on other matters to save the reports. She needed them finished. She would have to work late. She couldn’t compromise business for a meeting with a crew member. But now, with the PADDs gone, she was back to having no excuse to avoid the meeting. 

“What are you doing tonight, Chakotay? It’s been awhile since we’ve had dinner.” 

Chakotay gave her a sheepish smile, “I’m sorry, I have plans already. I’m taking Samantha to Tom’s movie night. That should be interesting.” 

Kathryn sputtered. “Samantha? Wildman?” 

“I thought you knew,” he commented with a frown. 

“N-no. Isn’t she…. unavailable?” 

He realized what had her so concerned. “You _are_ out of the loop.” 

She pursed her lips with a scowl. 

Chuckling, he continued, “The marriage was over before the mission. They agreed to hold off on the divorce until after she had the baby. In fact, she said that he’d already been seeing someone. She even liked the woman he was dating.” 

Kathryn tried to hide her surprise at the information. She’d known Sam for nearly a decade and was only now finding out that piece of information? Although, she thought, she rarely let anyone close enough to share that sort of information. 

“Well,” she recovered with a practiced smile, “I hope you two have a nice date.” 

“Thanks, Kathryn. I do… really like her.” 

She grinned. “I’d like to say that I’m sure she likes you too, but apparently I am out of the loop.” 

“Well, maybe it’s time you get back in.” He rose from his chair, knowing he was pushing his luck. Still, he turned back around and stood to wait for the Captain’s directive. 

“Dismissed,” she said with a roll of her eyes. 

“Only about fifteen minutes until we’re done for the day. What are you going to do with the rest of your evening?”

“Oh,” Kathryn blinked, “I’m—not sure yet.” 

“I’ll walk you to your quarters, if you’re headed that way?” 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks once again to my betas, and for all of you who read this and made comments and left kudos. Much, much appreciated <3 <3 <3

Despite her trepidation, and her overwrought nerves, Seven forced herself to calm every time her anxiety spiked. She turned back to the kitchen to continue her work. If she didn’t show, Naomi had ‘claimed dibs’ on the meal, much to Tom’s chagrin. Apparently, he had been too slow to claim them first. 

She smiled as she stirred the angel hair in a large pot. The cloves of garlic, slices of lemon and generous sized scallops made an appetizing aroma in the homey kitchen. She tinkered with the sauce, allowing her mind to move away from her fears and focus solely on making the meal its absolute best. 

As she chopped a few chives for garnish, she began to slow. If she stretched time out, it would give Kathryn a chance to show up. She was only fifteen minutes late. There was still hope she would choose to attend. She would eat alone in the comfortable dining room if Kathryn didn’t show, and she’d eat as much pasta as she wanted, as slow as she wanted. 

Choosing to believe Kathryn would join her, she opened a bottle of wine and set out two glasses on the kitchen island. She poured herself a half glass, and then poured one for her guest. 

A chime rang and she nearly dropped the bottle. Setting it on the counter with a thud, she stripped off her blue and white apron and tugged on her shirt to right it. A cerulean silk blouse and black slacks, simple and elegant, as Sam had pitched it to her. Tom had been quick to agree, if not too quick. She gulped down a swig of wine and hurried over to the holodeck doors. 

She ordered the door to open as she took a large breath. The Captain was revealed, just turning away, but stopped short and turned back. 

“Kathryn,” was all she managed to say. Despite not mentioning what she had planned, the Captain had replaced her uniform. She looked up from Kathryn’s black pumps, over the dark slacks and across the cream colored button-up Seven had admired many times on the redhead. It took her a long moment to notice that Kathryn had yet to look at her directly. She shook off the awkwardness as best as she could, and moved aside to gesture her in. “Please.” 

A gulp of air later, Kathryn strode into the holoprogram. They were in a house, though she didn’t recognize it. With a red brick fireplace in the adjoining living room, and the muted browns and eggshell pallet of the kitchen, she felt rather at home. 

“Where are we?” She asked aloud, not entirely meaning to. She stopped her movement at the two glasses of wine. Neither looked touched so she took the one on the right. 

Seven decided not to mention she had already sipped that one. She wasn’t going to test the Captain’s resolve, unsure what would set her running off; she was going to do her best to make her feel at ease. 

“I designed it,” Seven said softly, taking up the other glass and sipping from it delicately. 

Kathryn raised her eyebrows as she looked over her own glass. _When did Seven start drinking alcohol?_ “It smells delicious.” 

A warm smile grew across the blonde and she ushered them into the living room at a small square table. “Please, have a seat. I’ll bring out dinner.” 

“Dinner?” Kathryn repeated, as she took one of the four chairs. 

“I hope you have not already eaten?” Seven asked. 

“Um, well, no.” 

There was another smile and nod from the blonde before she went off to the kitchen. She carried over their two plates, just as Sam had suggested. _“Wait until she picks a seat before you set the table, that way she won’t see you coming, and she won’t be able to switch seats.”_ It was highly manipulative, but her team of advisors were careful, discussing an issue in full if there was a disagreement with method. Ultimately, every decision for the evening would lie with Seven. How much or how far she would push Kathryn would be the line she’d have to mind. 

Carrying over the covered main dish, the bottle of wine and the salad bowl, she placed one plate in front of Kathryn and her own plate adjacent to her. 

She made sure everything was prepared before she took her seat, while Kathryn had tried to get a glimpse of the main dish, but it had been fully sealed, not a single drop skirting down the sides of the oval, fern colored bowl. 

Lifting her glass, Seven smiled demurely and Kathryn lifted hers. “‘Nothing that is, is unimportant.’” 

Kathryn nodded at the sentiment, unsure of its meaning in its current context. She clicked her glass softly against Seven’s and took a good swig of the liquid. 

Seven carefully revealed the dish to Kathryn’s smile. “Seven! It smells amazing! Did you make this?” 

She nodded once as she deposited a moderate portion to each of their plates and then covered it once more. Moving back into her seat, she watched Kathryn spin the pasta around her fork a few times and let the fork slide away empty from between her lips. 

Kathryn’s moan was uninhibited and she closed her eyes for a long moment before spinning some more around her fork. Seven’s cheeks pinked lightly as she took a few bites of her dish. It wasn’t too bad. It needed more garlic next time, she noted. 

“What was that?” Kathryn asked.

“Hm? What was what?” 

“The thing you said, about ‘nothing that is.’” 

“It is a Vulcan proverb. I believe it holds great importance. Even minor thoughts, beliefs, and ideas, anything that is, is important. ‘Anything that is’ either serves a purpose, teaches us that which we did not know, about the world or about oneself, or has the potential to provide happiness.” 

Kathryn nodded, toying with the ideas in her mind and letting the warmth from the wine in her system relax her muscles. Realizing she was feeling a bit too relaxed, she made sure to eat more than she normally would’ve. She needed to not only counteract the buzz of wine, but the crackling fire behind them, the pleasant sounds and scents, and the charming companionship. _Company, not companionship,_ she chided herself. Full of pasta, she sat back in her chair and played with a little scratch in the wooden table. 

Seven rose, taking the main dish back to the kitchen. A few minutes later she returned with a coffee and a tea, placing the mug in front of Kathryn, and inconspicuously moving her chair a tiny bit closer as she took her seat.

“Mm, thank you,” Kathryn hummed, clutching the brown mug. “You said you designed this place. When? What do you do here?” 

Seven took a sip of her tea to buy herself a few extra moments. “I created it earlier today. I wanted to design a place that felt… homey.” 

“Well, I think you succeeded. It’s wonderful.” 

“Thank you, Kathryn. Would you like to see the view?” 

“There’s a view? Absolutely.” She followed Seven, her coffee in hand, as they moved to the opposite side of the room. Seven tugged the long curtains away to reveal the large glass window. 

Kathryn looked over every detail outside. The Golden Gate was lit with lights and movement while the city beyond it bustled. A midnight blue sky hung quietly over the midnight blue water of the bay. 

“Extraordinary,” Kathryn whispered and pressed her free hand to the glass. 

“Do you…” Seven spoke softly, “do you like it?” 

“Yeah,” Kathryn’s voice cracked. She turned to the blonde standing beside her and looked up into her sparkling eyes. “It’s beautiful.” 

Seven’s closed mouth smile was aimed at the floor. “I’m glad you think so.” 

“I’ve always thought so.” Kathryn touched her arm gently, catching her eye before looking back out at the cityscape. “I’ll have to show you around sometime, when we’re back.” 

Seven nodded and wrenched her attention away from the redhead. “I would like that, Kathryn.” 

“You would?” She lifted her eyebrows in surprise.

Seven tilted her head. “You are surprised?” 

“Oh, well, no. I just thought…” She frowned as she looked into her coffee cup. 

“What did you think?” Seven prodded not unkindly. 

“I thought you’d like to do that with someone else. Someone closer to you.” _Shut your mouth, Katie. Stop this line of thought before it’s too late._ “It doesn’t matter.” She smiled it off and turned away from the window. Taking her seat at the table once more, she backed the chair away a few inches to put more distance between her and Seven’s seat. 

Seven took a silent deep breath before she returned to the table. She’d been fairly successful so far, keeping Kathryn mostly relaxed. But, it was becoming clear that her endurance was waning. 

“You wanted to talk.” Kathryn didn’t look at her, and didn’t pose it as a question. 

Seven nodded. It was time. Kathryn had shown up, despite the doubt she and her panel of advisors, as Tom called them, had. 

“Please?” Seven gestured to the couch across from the fireplace. 

Kathryn reluctantly nodded and followed her, letting Seven sit first and then sitting as far away as possible on the two-seater. Too afraid to look at the blonde, she slid her hands against her lap to wipe away invisible pieces of lint. On her third brush, she found Seven’s Borg-encased hand settle over her own. Her thumb gently stroked her fingers and Kathryn ceased all breathing. 

“Sev—”

She was interrupted as she looked up, a pair of lips pressing against her own. Her eyes fluttered closed and she let the blonde kiss her incredibly slowly. Hardly moving a muscle, she relaxed against Seven’s lips for a brief moment before jolting away. 

“What are you doing?!” She stood, flustered, gawking at Seven who remained seated.

She licked her lips, her mind foggy as she let her feelings reach the tips of her fingers and toes. “I told you,” she said quietly, raising from her seat, “I am not good with words. I would rather show you.” She took a careful step forward, unhappy with the distance between them. 

Kathryn frowned deeply, her eyes hardened and cold. “This is inappropriate, Seven. I am your superior—”

Seven lunged forward and pressed her lips to her once more. She wrapped her arms loosely around Kathryn’s neck, tilting her head as her need became more aggressive. Still, Kathryn did not kiss her back.

Moving her head away, pushing Seven off, Kathryn continued to scowl at her officer. “Don’t do that, Seven!” She ignored the vulnerable, open expression from the blonde. “I need to go.” She turned away.

“No, Kathryn,” Seven replied definitively. 

Kathryn shook her head as she felt Seven’s arms come around her from behind. Seven rested her cheek against her shoulder, speaking softly into her neck. “I love you.” 

Kathryn gasped, and quiet as it was, it felt like the loudest thing she’d ever done or heard. 

“And I know you love me,” Seven smiled as she pressed her lips against her warm neck. 

Her heart beat against her chest painfully as water built in her eyes. She couldn’t do this. It was impossible. It had the potential to ruin their friendship. Even, to ruin her, if it didn’t work out. She’d been so worried Seven wouldn’t have been able to handle a break-up, but it was herself she was more afraid couldn’t handle it. 

“We do not have to be together yet, Kathryn. But I will not give up.” 

She turned her head slowly to look at Seven. Her eyebrows raised, her pain exposed, she turned in Seven’s arms until they faced one another. She cupped Seven’s cheek and peered into the eyes of the woman who’s resolve matched her own. _Who am I kidding? I’ll last for less than a week if this is how she’ll be with me in private._

A small smile on Seven’s lips told her she’d given away her thoughts. Was she that transparent? She’d learned every nuance, every quirk of Seven’s lips and cortical node. Was it possible Seven had been learning her tells as well?

The blonde leaned in and kissed her left cheek, pressing into the saltwater before giving her the same treatment on the right. Her temple resting against Kathryn’s, she wrapped her arms around her. Afraid she may bolt, she pulled slightly tighter.

Kathryn moved her arms without thinking. They buckled themselves around the blonde’s waist, and then tightened and clutched as she slipped into the comfort of their embrace. 

Seven raised her head and pressed Kathryn’s under her chin. Dipping her nose into the auburn locks, she sighed. “You must rest, Kathryn.” 

“No,” she retorted, clutching tighter. “I’m fine.”

“You have not slept well in weeks. You are exhausted.” The smile in Seven’s voice was apparent as she continued, “I will come with you. We can continue our conversation tomorrow.” 

Kathryn pulled back slightly and looked into her sky blue eyes. “I don’t know if this is a good idea, Seven. But, I can’t remember any of the reasons I wrote down to avoid this.” 

“That is because your reasons were foolish.” 

Kathryn raised an eyebrow at the insult, though Seven was reassured, since the redhead hadn’t yet let go of her. 

“Oh, really?” 

Seven kept her haughty expression, “Yes. However, if you would like to go over every reason you can think of, you should know that I have already explored it and found the excuse’s flaw.” A lopsided smile met her and she smiled in return.

Noticing the tiredness in Kathryn’s eyes, she touched her fingers against her cheek. “You must rest. You will need it.” 

Kathryn raised her brow in surprise. “For what?” 

Her eyes grew heavy, the pupils growing, as Seven looked over her lips. 

“Oh,” Kathryn breathed. 

Unable to stop herself, Seven pushed forward and caught her mouth. After a moment, she found she had never been as grateful as when Kathryn kissed her back. Her mouth hot and elusive for a moment, then direct and penetrating. She hummed and was met with a heady groan from the redhead. 

Pulling away breathlessly, Seven kissed across to the top of her jaw, slowing as she reached Kathryn’s ear. “Let me sleep with you tonight, Kathryn.” 

She moaned in response, but knew that Seven meant actual sleep. “If you stay over tonight,” she replied in her throatiest voice, “you’ll want to sleep over every night.” Curling her fingers around Seven’s hips, she pulled her tight against herself. 

A tiny whimper was Seven’s first response. She found her voice a moment later. “Tonight, you will sleep. Tomorrow night, you will not.” 

A husky laugh bubbled up in her chest. “Is that a promise?” 

“Yes,” Seven replied and pressed a kiss to her jaw once more. 

“Do you really love me, Seven?” 

The blonde pulled away to look into her eyes. She touched her cheek, gazing at her softly. “You do not like being called foolish, Kathryn, so I will answer. Yes.” 

A crooked smile grew and she slipped her hand into Seven’s, linking their fingers together. She drew her hand up and kissed the back of hers, unwilling to release her. 

“Tell me one more thing, darling,” Kathryn said, as they fell beside each other and walked toward the holodeck exit. “ _Every_ excuse?” 

“You may attempt to find one, but it would be fo—”

“Right. Got it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ——————————-  
> A one-shot, she said.


End file.
